Bonus Blog - Bonner Family Update
Bonner family update.
We are homeschooling again….
Yup! That’s right!
Schedules have been changed, the village has been called in for support, curriculum has been ordered, withdraws have been done, and affidavits have been sent off.
The first day of home schooling is not a new thing for us. We have home schooled on and off since my oldest was in second grade. Our hearts have always desired to school our children at home and we took advantage each time life presented the opportunity and unwillingly utilized public school each time life threw a curve ball.
After Deral died, Morgan home schooled for about four months. I thought we finally reached the place in life where schooling on our terms was possible.
Oh boy was I wrong!
That semester was brutal. We tried our best but the days just didn't seem to allow for all of the healing, processing and working full time. School just didn't work out. Morgan and I burnt out quickly. She reentered public school mid year in fourth grade and really thrived. Morgan loves to learn and enjoys school tremendously. I submitted to the thought that maybe we just weren't meant to home school. I found joy in the areas I could and prayed fiercely over the things that caused me stress.
This school year has been difficult to say the least. Creek entering Kindergarten started out wonderfully. He had a solid four weeks of eagerness for school. He was learning so much and really loving his new adventure.
Morgan was thriving. She got involved in many extracurricular activities and was one of the top students in her grade and was excelling in all areas of school life.
Then we hit a wall.
Creek ended up missing seventeen days in a three month period do to a reoccurring strep infection. Anytime he would go to school it was a fight. He would scream, kick and run from the class. It was traumatic for all involved. I kept writing the behavior off, telling myself that he was out of routine or maybe he didn't feel well again. I just didn't understand why he had such a big shift in behavior.
During that time Morgan began having some emotional issues at school. She was becoming increasingly affected by the rudeness of her peers. She was witnessing some bullying and it started to really affect her mentally. She started complaining about going to school, and all of a sudden I was faced with two children who both loved school a few months ago, now were crying uncontrollably and flat out refusing to go.
I sought advice from the people I trusted and I heard the same from everyone. “ Kids need to learn to deal with these things. This is all normal child behavior. They will get over it.”
Then it hit me….
My kids are no longer "normal"
As much as I wish this wasn't true, it's our reality. My kids have severely traumatic experiences. They know things that “normal” kids don't know. They have emotions that “normal” kids don't have and reach their limits far before “normal” kids reach theirs.
Once I accepted that I cannot raise my kids the way “normal” people raise theirs, the choice was obvious.
We have to find a way to make home schooling work.
To say I didn’t have fear over this decision would be a straight out lie. I have lived my life mostly going against the grain, yet desperately wishing to be “normal”. I don’t like conformity, yet love to fit in. I tend to feel confident in who I am yet, search for the approval of others.
Making the choice to once again pull my kids public school made me feel incredibly anxious. the fear of what others would think paralyzed me, until God spoke.
He could confirmed the truths that I am the best mother for these children. Only my husband and I know exactly what these kids have been through. We have been chosen to make decisions for them and at the end of the day we know what is best for them. My fear of what others may think is a lie. it is a lie straight from the enemy seeking to destroy our family and demolish our children’s future. I simply wont let that happen.
So, we are making the choice to go against the grain. We are schooling while riding hover boards and under tables. We are sleeping in and reading books over breakfast. We are listening to our emotions and giving ourselves space to grieve and feel our pain in a safe, loving environment. We are leaning on our people, accepting help and asking for support. We are embracing our abnormalness and doing life the way it makes most sense for us.
Today was our first day of our new school. It felt natural and amazing. We were happy to be with each other. I even had to stop the kids from doing work so we could go outside for fresh air. I know everyday won't feel as good as today did, but I know it’s where we are supposed to be.
“ When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.”
— Henry Ford