Mother's Day Hurts

 
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Mother's day weekend is upon us.

For many this means breakfast in bed, homemade gifts, and family gatherings.

But for many others, mother's day highlights the loss that has touched their lives.

I used to be the former. But unfortunately, like so many others I am now the later.

It has been almost two years since I held my son for the last time. I have learned so much about loss and grief and will continue to learn more through this journey, as it is never ending. 

One thing I've learned is that everyday is hard, but holidays and events are the hardest. When you've suffered loss, any day that should be filled with joy and togetherness is tarnished by loss and regret. When you've lost a child, mother's day can just feel cruel.

I find myself wishing I didn't have to celebrate mother's day. I would love to skim right over it, pretending it was a day that never existed. Then I drown in the guilt. I have two living children. They should not be robbed from celebrating their mother on mother's day.

Like any event or holiday, Mother's day can bring immense joy and happiness to people. Some find this day exciting and fun. But please keep in mind those who are struggling. Those who wish they had the title, those who wish they had a mother, and those who wish their child was here to celebrate.

Also, be kind to yourself. If you are grieving this holiday. Take action to do what feels best to you. Don't feel obligated to join in festivities if that hurts your heart. Don't feel pressured to feel sadness if that's not what you feel. Remind yourself that your emotions are valid and normal. Whatever you feel is okay. 

Try to release guilt. Mothers in general tend to feel guilt regularly. Oh friend, guilt is such a lie! Recognize what is bringing you feelings of guilt and call out the lie. Replace the lie with truth and show yourself compassion.

I used to be the person who enjoyed all holidays. I loved get-togethers and wanted to celebrate everything.

I am not that person anymore. I tend to become dark and sad around celebrations. I feel robbed and jealous of what I no longer have. I have become acutely aware of hurt and pain, not only my own, but those all around me. 

I look back now on all the people I had met before who were suffering. I wish I would have known how hard it was for them. I wish I knew the weight they were carrying. I wish I knew to ask. 

The hard things need to be talked about. We need to share our hurts so others can be more supportive and understanding. We need to speak about loss and grief and the pain in this world. Because only then we can change. Only then, we can know.